The Rauscher Life

New posts burn in my theoretical pocket like a wad of cash. I feel an inspiration to cover a topic or express a thought, I can’t stop until it is complete. I started writing this one just as soon as the first post was published. What am I going to write about this time? YOU. Yep, you may think that’s a little weird, but please follow along.

“Well, it’s nothing compared to what you went through”. I have heard that many times, and each time I don’t like it and I don’t know how to respond. So, I spent some time thinking and this is how I want to respond.

Let me paint a picture. When I talk with people, a common response I get is people will downplay their own suffering and pain. They will compare their pain to mine and try to make it seem like their pain is less.

Let’s not compare our pain. Let’s not put it on levels of “more” or “less”.

Your pain and suffering is personal to you, it’s your life.

I know for a fact that everyone has walked through difficult loss, painful experiences, and suffering. If you are a human and you live on this earth, you have pain.

My greatest loss came at the hand of cancer when my husband was diagnosed in 2020, and died in 2021.

Perhaps you can relate to a frightening cancer diagnosis, or a tragic event that flipped your entire world upside down in a moment. Death is devastating.

For other people a painful experience may unfold overtime, irrationally drawn out and hard to pin down in a neat little timeline. Perhaps it took you months or years to figure out that strange disease that has plagued you, and the doctors still aren’t quite sure what to do. Perhaps your crushing grief came over time as you watched a rebellious child walk away from the Lord. Or you see your beloved parent suffer with a deteriorating disease. Or a once strong marriage became weak and broken. Maybe you have struggled with depression or other issues, and your daily struggle feels like to burden too great to explain. Maybe you lost a relationship that meant the world to you. Or you have suffered abuse and/or mistreatment from another person.

Whatever pain and loss you have walked through, I don’t want you to diminish it in comparison to mine. My loss is very public, all my friends know I’m a widow. Heck, it’s even on my Facebook information. Your pain may be private (especially if it brings you shame). Private suffering is altogether painful in a different way. It may be covered up by years of trying to cope and appear “just fine” to others.

To bring up a sad but true point, great pain may come to you in the future. In fact, I’m sure that it will if you live long enough. You will likely watch loved ones grow old and pass away.

Right now I am the youngest widow in my Church, most of the other widows are on average 70-80 years old. They have buried their lifelong partner, the man they raised children with, and grandchildren too. They live alone or with their grown children. They can teach great lessons on loss.

So let’s not compare pain. I don’t want to think of it on a scale of severity; rather on a lifetime arc of experience…and always with the perspective of the weight of eternal glory with our Heavenly Father.

It’s a cliche statement, but everyone is different and that’s okay. Don’t fear being broken. God works closely in the hearts of his children.

I am thankful when people open up and share their life with me. It’s a difficult moment for many people, and if my pain can relate to their pain then I am thankful for being able to relate.

So what would you like me to write about next?…

-How should a Christian think about pain, loss, suffering, and death.

-My experience as a cancer care taker for Brad, our transition to preparing for his death.

-Grief and healing as a young widow.

-Helping children understand death and grief.

-Practical tips to prepare for the death of your loved one.

-Helpful things to say/do for grieving people.

-Thanksgiving recipes. I may just throw that in for fun y’all.

I’m open to suggestions if you have a question. Don’t worry, you probably won’t offend me with a question. In fact, I would probably welcome it.