The Rauscher Life

I am blessed to answer folks questions about my life, I truly appreciate your care for me and the children. Widowhood is tough and simply knowing that I have friends thinking and praying for me is a great blessing and comfort.

So when you ask, how are you? I will honestly answer.

So, how am I doing? Well…I’m limping, so to speak. I’m limping pretty badly, and that’s okay because I’m trusting.

Let me tell you a story about when William was four years old and he was in physical therapy for his left foot/ankle amputation. He had only been an amputee for a couple of months, everything he was going through was new, scary, painful, strange, and difficult. He didn’t understand concepts of tissue health and healing, orthopedic pediatrics, physical therapy for amputees, prosthetic design, or the multitude of medical professionals who were involved in his care. He simply understood that he was hurting and it was all very scary. He understood that Mommy and Daddy were with him, helping him, and teaching him to walk again. Four year olds don’t like to learn to walk again…they have already been waking (and even running) for some time. They relish their mobility. Just observe a giggling toddler who recently learned they can sprint as fast as they can away from Mommy…the mischievous, gleeful delight beams off their face.

Slowing them down again to a baby-snails-pace is frustrating for a little four year old. Yet, my son trusted me and his father to walk a new and difficult path. One little step at a time.

When William started to run before he was strong enough, we stopped him. He would bounce back and forth between moments of frustration, new found confidence, and even fearful times. It was a slow learning process and as his mother it was heartbreaking to watch my little boy struggle. I am the Mommy and I want to kiss away all the boo-boos and ouchies. I couldn’t do that this time. I had to watch my son struggle and learn to walk a new path in a new way. I knew that if interfered, he would be weakened. I also knew that William would walk (and run and jump and play) again normally, just with a cool prosthetic leg. William will never have his left foot, it’s gone as long as he lives in this earth. However, he does have a rich and full life with many blessings. Many people don’t even notice he is an amputee when he’s wearing long pants.

I know God isn’t even close to being done with my boy. Oh, I know he will do great things!

So what does this do with me. Well, I’m limping. Pretty hard. Sometimes my pain is so cripplingly severe I think I can’t walk forward, but I do. I keep walking…by the grace and strength of God is just keep walking.

I thought I was stronger and more healed, turns out I’m not. Recently I tried to run, and I ran hard and fast. And then I crashed. Boy, did I crash hard, too. I could almost hear the Lord tell me “slow down, it’s not your time to run, I’m still healing your deep wounds”.

Frustration, pain, fear…smacked me right in the face. Just like my William I was wanting so badly for things to be normal again, ready to run again. I am not ready to run. The truth is that I won’t be “normal” again. The loss I’ve walked through will always be a mark on me. But I have hope, I have hope in the great and wonderful God that loves me. I have trust in my God.

William trusted me and his father as a little boy, he didn’t understand hardly anything that was going on in his life when he had his accident. He simply looked for me and Daddy as we reached out to him and said “one little step…take one step toward us…good job, one more step”.

Now is my chance to look toward my Heavenly Father and take little baby steps, sometimes painful, sometimes frustrating…but always toward the Father. I keep my eyes fixed on him and I won’t fall. When I stumble he will catch me, he already has help for me to lift me back up. I don’t understand the complexities of the details surrounding me, I simply trust my loving Father who cares for me. Running again seems very far away, even impossible right now. So I will keep my focus on simply putting one foot in front of the other in faithfulness and obedience. As long as I am moving toward my Father, I am on the right track.

Read the words of one of my favorite songs. Be comforted and know that Christ will always hold the believer fast.

He Will Hold Me Fast.

VERSE 1

When I fear my faith will fail,

Christ will hold me fast;

When the tempter would prevail,

He will hold me fast.

I could never keep my hold

Through life’s fearful path;

For my love is often cold;

He must hold me fast.

REFRAIN

He will hold me fast,

He will hold me fast;

For my Savior loves me so,

He will hold me fast.

VERSE 2

Those He saves are His delight,

Christ will hold me fast;

Precious in His holy sight,

He will hold me fast.

He’ll not let my soul be lost;

His promises shall last;

Bought by Him at such a cost,

He will hold me fast.

VERSE 3

For my life He bled and died,

Christ will hold me fast;

Justice has been satisfied;

He will hold me fast.

Raised with Him to endless life,

He will hold me fast

‘Till our faith is turned to sight

When He comes at last!